POSTCODE 3000

CURVACEOUS Jennifer Lopez would have sung a dulcet Happy Birthday to her mother Guadalupe on Wednesday in the matriarch's first candle-blowing experience Down Under. A bespoke purple cake was made by icing king Christopher Montebello from Let Them Eat Cake in South Melbourne and dazzled with bling, diamantes and flowers, a joyous sight for Lopez's four-year-old twins Max and Emme who have been seeing the sights with their grandma. While J-Lo went shopping with her mother, her 16 dancers desired to recline in the sun and flash their abs before their second concert, so her people spoke to other people and arranged a pool party at a private home hosted by people person Julian Gerner. An Aussie-Mexican barbecue was laid on by Melbourne Pub Group chef Paul Wilson and the latest eatery in the empire, the Acland Street Cantina, and to get the party started, DJ Kaz James hit the deck. Earlier in the week, J-Lo's dancers explored our nightlife and gravitated to St Kilda grunge at the Prince of Wales public bar. A drag show was in full flight, enabling the dancers to compare moves, costumes, hair height, make-up application and lip dimensions with those of exuberant drag queens Paris and Monty Diamonte. One lucky dancer engaged in "drag queen arm wrestling" and a witness said: "They were going off like a frog in a sock." That's another colloquialism to tell family and friends back home.

All groin up

POLITICIANS are fond of their own voices but some give their eardrums a break by listening to music. Nationals MP David O'Brien is a big supporter of the live music scene because he plays the guitar and had a fan base in the 1990s playing in a ska band. For "yeah muns" not familiar with that genre, it's Jamaican and a precursor to reggae. After speaking in Parliament to praise Music Victoria and ensure live music wasn't considered "noise pollution", Speaker Bruce Atkinson recalled seeing an old video of O'Brien "punishing" his guitar but couldn't remember the band's name. The guitar was stolen but O'Brien identified it "by the treatment I had personally meted out" to it. An urgent matter was finding out the band's name and the MP's staffer, Richard Troeth, enlightened me that it was Loin Groin.

Russell rules in the NT

DEEP in croc country is the NT News, the Northern Territory's window into the habitat of monster crocodiles and blokes who have to cloak their pants at the Hookers Ball. The "150 most powerful" list of humans has a surprise inclusion at number 58, Age contributing editor Russell Skelton, the husband of Virginia Trioli who's somewhat of a celebrity in the red centre after writing the bestseller King Brown Country. It's the account of Alison Anderson's stint as town clerk of Papunya and not only is she now the Minister for Indigenous Advancement, she's the partner of Nicolas Rothwell, a journalist with The Australian, who tied in 58th spot. Using the creative licence it excels at, the paper referred to Skelton as his "best mate". Skelton is chuffed to be so powerful but does not recall ever writing about crocs or wearing a pair.

Warne's VIP jocks

SIR Vivian Richards (pictured) could utter anything in his laid-back West Indian accent to make the ladies swoon but the thought of him saying he can't wait to get into his Shane Warne jocks is something else. The cricket great is having a specially made pair of black and white Warne's Spinners undies sent to him, and the woman who volunteered to take his measurements is Michele Hamdorf, the chief fashionista at Lime Door Brands who took Warne and his jocks to the retail world. Hamdorf, a coiffured brunette, made herself cosy at the WACA Ground on Wednesday to watch the Melbourne Stars play the Perth Scorchers in the Big Bash League and more scorching conditions are ahead because Hamdorf is in talks with Elizabeth Hurley to bring her swimwear range to Oz. Hamdorf was behind the Dita Von Teese lingerie range for Target and painted the door of her Albert Park home red after Dita's pout.