It's beaut to see the ute that opened the gate

THE online Urban Dictionary allows ingenious folk to dream up their own words, so wind down the window and toot the horn, "Utegate" has arrived. It is defined thus: "When someone tells you a ruddy lie, rather than giving a fair shake of the sauce bottle." That's a bonzer effort so thanks goes to Kevin Rudd, Wayne Swan, Malcolm Turnbull, John Grant and Godwin Grech for inspiring that one. While Grech has been the reluctant star of "Utegate" and scored more mentions in the press this year than the ute - 478 entries versus 420 - what has become of the nation's most famous set of wheels? Diary's spy in Brisbane went to Morningside, the suburb of Rudd's electorate office, and glimpsed the ute (right). "It's in some dungeon of a car park under his electorate office. We had to drive into this underground car park and around the back, and it was locked away behind this great big fence. It looks like it's in Guantanamo or something. Someone said it's always there, it hasn't been moved in ages. By the way, it's a fairly crappy ute. I can't believe it caused such a palaver. It wouldn't be worth more than $2000 on a good day." The Urban Dictionary also defines "ute" as "the sound an old worn-out car makes just before it dies". Or a political career conking out. Back to the ute: "There was a bloody big esky in the back." No sign of any sauce bottles.

Dress to impress

MATTHEW Banks, the early bird who's selling tickets to the Christmas polo at Werribee, is catching another worm by flogging Melbourne Cup marquee packages for the Winning Post Enclosure. But hold your horses - there's a few fashionable events to canter through before Flemington. David Jones is sticking to the recession-chic cuppa time of 10.30am to launch its spring/summer collection with Miranda Kerr at Docklands on August 13. Myer ups the Store Wars for its August 19 parade in Syd-Vegas by holding a night-time show and cork-popping after-party. Melburnians will be able to ogle Jennifer Hawkins when she struts an in-store catwalk on September 1 during Spring Fashion Week. Roll out the ropes and stanchions to keep the crazed crowd back.

Simon said it

UNFORGETTABLE, that's what Simon Overland was when he said "literally any idiot" could get a liquor licence. It was hardly a glowing endorsement of the paper shufflers who issue the plonk permits. So, given the chance last week, Channel Seven reporter Brendan Donohoe asked Consumer Affairs Minister Tony Robinson for his opinion: "Well, I interpreted the chief commissioner's comments to mean that at any point in time, people who hold licences can act like idiots," Robinson said. "Simply having the licence doesn't make them an idiot - it's just that people choose to act irresponsibly at times. They act like idiots." Call it the politics of politeness.

On the nose

THE wordsmith writing the Environment Protection Authority's media releases has a future in newspapers after writing this headline: "Portable toilet company fined for dumping loo waste." The EPA's Wangaratta manager, Ann Telford, said: "Officers undertaking an inspection of the area found that toilet waste had been spread across the surface of a paddock near the piggery effluent ponds." No wonder it caused such a stink.

Rocking on

IF THE energetic rock chick called Pink looks rested for her Melbourne shows, that's because she chilled out at the tropical Elandra resort on Queensland's Mission Beach last Wednesday with husband Carey Hart. They reclined in the "rock star" room, downed a Bloody Mary after brekkie then hit the road, her revving a Triumph motorbike and hubby on a Harley. A spy, who was tickled pink to meet them, reports: "They were two well-mannered, respectable 30-year-old kids on an adventure." Pink called herself by her real name, Alecia, and signed the guest book to mark the first birthday of the resort, owned by Melburnians Adam Karras and Katrina Knowles. With Pink performing concert after concert, she's like the Duracell bunny (that's pink, too).

Wayne's world

IT'S hard to know what to believe. Wayne Carey and sexy girlfriend Kate Neilson have reportedly split after their topsy-turvy romance but on the babe's Facebook page, she's still listed as "in a relationship" with The King, the footballer who competes with Elvis and Michael Jackson for the title. The duo recently moved into a palatial pad in Broadbeach, on the Gold Coast, but mystery surrounds the state of their union. Whatever the case, Neilson has been escaping reality with DVDs, watching He's Just Not That into You for the second time. "Great film," she said. Could be a clue there.

Paper trail

EITHER this National Australia Bank ATM in Fletcher Street, Essendon is popular or times are so tough that there's no spare change for a cleaner. Customers have waded through this pile (below) for two weeks and prayed it would be cleared over the weekend. If a cleaner is out of the question, CEO Cameron Clyne could dip into his $7.5 million package and splash out on a bin.