How falling for the boss can be a disaster in the workplace
She had a high-level job as an adviser to a government minister and worked in a team of just five people.
"It began as a friendship," she says. "We were both going through some tough times at home and began to confide in each other.
"We would regularly have 'just one drink' after work. One night after a work function he walked me to the train station and kissed me."
Soon Amanda earned a reputation as the boss' favourite as her colleagues noticed the preferential treatment. This didn't sit well with Amanda. Neither did the fact they were both in relationships with other people.
"He began to make declarations of love, indicated he was leaving his wife. I ended up feeling very uncomfortable because deep down I knew that it was a circumstantial relationship. If my partner and I hadn't been having problems it would never have happened."
The relationship lasted three months and ended when Amanda's partner became suspicious and confronted her.
Amanda's advice to anyone tempted to take their relationship with their boss out of the office is simple: don't do it.
"It might be exciting at first, but unless you have other options, you're going to work with that person when the affair has ended and that is incredibly hard," she says.
Getting intimate with your boss can end badly for more than just the two people involved in the relationship, says organisational psychologist and author of Vulture Cultures Leanne Faraday-Brash.
"Anything that causes a falling out with people at work, whether it's from an intimate relationship or not, is going to cause awkwardness at best and loss of productivity and morale at worst," she says. "The relationship may or may not survive but people always want to keep their reputation and credibility intact."
Vanessa Hall was working in a remote mine site in the Northern Territory when her boss, Scott, said he had fallen in love with her. Conscious of what their colleagues would think, they kept the relationship secret for two months.
When the couple came clean, Vanessa says some workmates questioned her motives. "Some people had the perception that I was doing it to increase my position in life, that I was doing it to advance my wealth and career," she says.
It ultimately contributed to the couple's decision to leave the company and move to Brisbane. They married, and six years after meeting have three children.
Frequently Asked Questions about this Article…
Dating your boss can create awkwardness with colleagues, lead to perceptions of preferential treatment, and damage your reputation. The article highlights that such relationships can reduce team morale and productivity, and create lasting workplace tension even if the relationship ends.
Yes. The article gives an example where colleagues assumed one employee was seeking to advance her position, wealth or career, and another couple ultimately left their jobs because of the backlash. Perceptions like this can affect career progression and lead to decisions (such as leaving) that have financial consequences.
Organisational psychologist Leanne Faraday-Brash says anything that causes a falling out at work — including intimate relationships — can cause awkwardness and lead to loss of productivity and morale. The article also relays the plain advice from an employee who experienced this: don’t do it.
Colleagues may question fairness and the motives of the person involved. In the article, Amanda became seen as the boss's favourite after preferential treatment was noticed, which made her uncomfortable and damaged team dynamics.
The article shows secrecy can backfire. Vanessa and her boss kept their relationship secret for two months, but when it became known some workmates questioned her motives — a factor that contributed to the couple leaving the company despite later marrying.
When a relationship ends it can be hard to continue working together. Amanda’s affair lasted three months and ended when her partner confronted her; she warns that you’ll still have to work with that person afterward, which can be incredibly difficult and damaging for team morale.
The article describes scenarios where both people were already in relationships and later felt uncomfortable or guilty. One employee said the relationship felt circumstantial and ultimately caused significant personal and workplace problems — a reason she advises against it.
Sometimes. The article recounts that Vanessa and her boss eventually married and have three children, and they left the company to start a life together. However, that outcome still involved leaving the workplace and dealing with reputational fallout, so results are mixed.
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