Give 'em enough dope . and rope

IN TIMES of market turmoil, it's important to get the best advice.

So we were taken by the tale of a special guest star appearance at a recent Perpetual Investments board meeting. Turns out the former Macquarie Group boss Allan Moss presented a briefing to Perpetual directors on market conditions and the credit crisis a few weeks ago.

It's a troubling development. After all, a guy who headed into retirement with an $80 million fortune just a few months ago is already back in the workforce.

But we wondered what kind of tips Moss might offer the likes of Bob Savage, Paul McClintock and fellow former MacBanker, devilish Davey Deverall, on surviving the credit crisis.

Somehow we suspect the top tip would be along the lines of cash in your chips before it turns to crap, then let the new guy deal with it.

Speaking of Nicholas Less-is-Moore, we can only wonder if the new MacBank boss has also summonsed Mossy on his $500-an-hour consultancy for a few tips.

It also left us wondering whether Perpetual's investment kahuna John Sevior has been asked to address his board given his expertise in market matters.

Then again, devilish Davey probably isn't too keen on Sevi getting anywhere near the boardroom lest he, or the board, get any ideas.

One fell swoopThose contemplating jumping off the top of a building given the ructions of market turmoil could do worse than have a chat with Mallesons M&A banana David Friedlander.

He took the plunge from the 43rd floor of the Suncorp building in the CBD yesterday - and survived. We suspect it had something to do with the fact he was attached to a rope.

Friedlander and chums Scott Heezen and Clint Harding from the tax practice and Bernard Wilson from the M&A practice abseiled down the side of the building to raise money for charity.

It's unclear if they billed in six-minute increments on the way down.

Those of the belief Friedlander was somewhat reckless for jumping off a building may suggest it was perhaps even more reckless not to tell his wife beforehand.

"Katrina would have ed me," Friedlander fessed.

And how was the plunge? "We fell faster than the Dow."

Pro bono callingJust as doctors make uncomfortable patients, barristers don't look terribly comfortable on the rare occasions they are called to the witness box.

It was self-deprecating smiles and weak jokes all round in the James Hardie proceedings this week, when Noel Hutley, SC, was being quizzed about representing the company in 2001 when it sought approval for its controversial restructure.

Adelaide silk Dick Whitington, QC, for Meredith Hellicar and three other ex-directors, saved the local crew from having to cross-examine one of their own.

He was asking Hutley, called by the corporate plod, about conferences in 2001 when he received instructions from Hardie's solicitors at Allens.

Whitington wanted to know why one of Hutley's invoices didn't refer to a conference on a particular date.

Hutley: Well, that may well be because it was a telephone conference, and I often don't charge people for telephone conferences, because often they are fleeting, in the sense of they are not long and I don't tend to try to break things down into six-minute divisions, so I often don't charge for telephone conferences. That's a pretty good indication that it was probably by telephone.

Whitington: I think it is notorious that at the bar, Mr Hutley, we all do a lot of work and we're underpaid.

ing him softly In the rough and tumble of business, managers can expect the odd black eye, bruised ego or broken fingernail.

But over at Lend Lease, the prospect of not seeing eye to eye has led to the execution of chief operating officer Ross Taylor.

"While the board and Ross agree on the overall positioning and strategic direction of the company, following detailed discussions there are subtle differences between us around some aspects of emphasis and execution," chairman David Crawford lamented.

We'd hate to know what would have happened had they had a falling out.

Great escapesCareful what you wish for. Consider the following nominations for Best Bullet Dodge:

Macquarie group on Qantas, (see credit markets, Allco Finance).

Allan Moss on Macquarie Group, (see Macquarie share price, Nicholas Less-is-Moore).

Macquarie Group on Alinta, (see Babcock & Brown).

Australian taxpayers on Qantas, (see Alitalia, credit markets, Macquarie, Allco, Geoff Dixon salary etc).

Lachlan Murdoch on Consolidated Media Holdings, (see CMH share price, One.Tel).

John Thain from Merrill Lynch, (see $200 million payout instead of bankruptcy).

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