Seven stupid things you’ll read in the business section

Business news and company reporting is always good for a laugh, but here are some instances that had me reaching for the smelling salts.

Business news and company reporting is always good for a laugh, but here are some instances that had me reaching for the smelling salts.


1. “Earnings missed estimates"

In business, it’s reality’s responsibility to live up to forecasts so you'll often read ‘the target missed the arrow’.


2. We practice sustainable mining

You’re also an oxymoron


3. It was a strong operating result, excluding non-recurring items

The finance equivalent of “But other than that, how was your trip to Hiroshima?”


4. “Many home buyers would rather take their chances with interest rates than throw money away on rent

Isn’t a mortgage just renting money instead of a house?


5. “As we enter a new period of exponential growth"

Any growth rate above zero is exponential. Inflation has also entered a period of exponential growth.


6. “REDgroup made negative profits throughout this period

The phrase 'negative profits' is gaining popularity, but we still call them losses at Intelligent Investor.


7. "The balance sheet continues to grow in strength" (except for net debt and solvency ratios)

Sure. And I’m vegan (except for Double Beef ‘n’ Bacon burgers)

If you have any favourite one liners to share, we’d love to read them in the comment section.

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